Update on the Erin saga, on the off chance that anyone cares: E-mail #1 & my reply

> Erin

First off. I don't consider you to be my friend anymore, and will be adding you to my ignore list as soon as this is sent.

I haven't considered you to be my friend for a while. I was over the whole Greg thing, and we had started talking and hanging out again BEFORE I left. Though you may have "overlooked" that in your need to feel martyred. I misjudged how I would react, that's true. But a real friend wouldn't have slept with my ex no matter what, and certainly wouldn't have done it two weeks after we had broken up. That is why I reacted the way I did. I gave up all of my other friends to be friends with you, because they talked so much shit about you behind your back. You took that sacrifice, and shit all over it. And then I had no one to talk to about my problems with the two of you. It was a betrayal of my friendship, far and away above what I 'did' to you. What sent me over the edge then, after we had started to be friends again, was a single comment you made on the phone, "You know, it was really Your fault it happened" Don't EVER presume to blame ME for YOUR decisions.

So, to "refresh" your memory, we didn't talk for about six months. Then I went to Guam. Now, other than email I didn't talk to ANYONE while I was there. I DID however talk to you via IM, and Email. And of the _TWO_ people I made the effort to call YOU were one. And you didn't seem to be at all interested in talking to me, so I never bothered with it again. So I think you can take your whiny "you didn't talk to me for two years" and shove it up your fat delusional fucking ass. Because I DID.

The Cory thing. You specifically said that you didn't want her to know. I don't care what you've changed your story to now, but that's what you said. And yeah, I did think she should know about it, and I did bring it up out of the blue and tell her. So what. Maybe I wouldn't have said anything if you hadn't rubbed it in my face every time we spoke. I told you repeatedly that I didn't care, and didn't want to hear about it. Why was it a secret in the first place, Erin? I stopped telling you my secrets years ago, because you never kept them to yourself. I tell One of yours and you go off the fucking deep-end about it.

"Perhaps you are unaware of how hard I work" Of course I’m aware, how could I not be. It's all you ever fucking talk about. I kept wondering why I was always in such a shitty mood after hanging out with you. And it took me two or three months to figure it out after I got back. Listening to someone complain about how shitty their lives are for 5+ hours is going to put anyone in a bad mood. You've changed, and Not for the better. You want to hear a secret of mine? One of the ones I wouldn't tell you before? I think you should have been committed when Doug moved out. I still think you lie about yourself to impress people. And I think you fuck guys in order to feel good about yourself. That is why you are not my friend anymore Erin, not because of any one specific event, no great melodramatic reason. You are simply a shitty person to hang out with. And the only thing I'm sorry about is that I wasted so many good years on you.

~Loren Zeman

--- dharma bum wrote:

> Dear Loren,

> First of all, I want to appologize about putting off this discussion for so long. Second, I would like to appologize for being rude a couple weeks ago. We do need to talk and just telling you to leave resolves nothing, but that night was not the night to do it and I really wanted a little more time to pass so I could speak with you rationally and not be so pissed off. That being said, I do have a right to be angry and as much as I wish it weren't, the two years dissapearance is getting rolled in. I guess what upsets me is that I trusted you with information which only one other person was privvy to (Bonnie) and in spite of my request that you not tell anyone (because it was private information that was not anyone else's business), you did it anyway. Now it is possible that I have my story wrong, but from my knowledge, you brought it up out of no-where, feeling that it was something Cory needed to know? If indeed it was Cory who asked you, then that is different- I would not expect you to lie to such a close friend and although either way, you have broken my trust, I could understand your stance, if this were the case. I guess what puzzles me is that you felt compelled (with no apparent reason, other than to stir up a bunch of drama which I sure as hell didn't need) to tell her unprompted by any suspcicion on her part (indeed, if such suspicions were present, she should have come to the source: that is, myself or Kenney). What made it so much worse was that you told her that I specifically told you not to tell her, when in actuallity, I told you not to tell ANYONE (something which apparently you either didn't understand or didn't care about- personally, I'd prefer to think that perhaps you were confused or simply ignorant, but since you are too bright for that, I have presume that you understood, but simply didn't care about my love or trust and did it out of spite). Can you now understand why I am upset? Perhaps you are unaware of how hard I work (between teaching, grading, prep, and my second job, it comes out to around 70 or 80 hours and it can be a little stressful) and how little energy or time I have to devote to drama. I can't handle much with the kind of workload and stress that I deal with and I REALLY didn't need this. If I had really wanted Cory to know, I would have told her, and if she really wanted to know, she would have asked. I never lied to anyone. I just felt that I had a right to some privacy and shared the information with my two closest and most trusted friends (I do love and trust Cory, but I have always been closer to you and to Bonnie and I didn't really feel like telling my entire group of friends). Does this make sense? I guess then, coming back to the two year thing, I do feel badly bringing it up because I had completely dropped it. The fact that you made me look like a jackass, giving only half the story to a bunch of people at Munchies (including a guy I had a crush on) and the fact that you refused to even talk to me for two years when all I wanted to do was tell you that I was upset and have you hear me out so we could move on from the whole stupid incident, really hurt my feelings. When you reappeared into my life, I was thrilled and after two years of missing you, I didn't give two shits about the original incident- I was just happy to have one of my best friends back. Now though, it seems that you are still out to make me look like a jackass and I'm extraordinarily confused because I really thought we were better friends than that. I don't know, maybe I screwed up in accepting you back into my life no questions asked. I just assumed that we would go back to the friendship we once had, but obviously that isn't the case and I guess it was really my blind trust which has gotten us into this predicament. Well, I don't think there is much more to say for now. We have a lot of talking to do if we want to save this friendship and it will probably be a long time before I trust you again, but for all the good times and love shared, I still feel it is something worth saving if you are interested.

> Erin